Peeking through the Fence

Relationships are best examined with the perspective that you are "peeking" through a fence. You can focus more readily on the mundane nuances that occur when people don't think they are being watched or seen. So many parts of ones inner most being are best kept contained, say within the perimeters of a fence. Every now and then things will slip through the cracks of that fence revealing the utter most truths. Some may be beautiful and others hideous.

To really know someone you have to take peeks into that fence when all guards are down and people feel comfortable to be their private selves. It's an interesting theory really. So many things can be discovered not only about others, but ourselves if we unveil this perspective from time to time. Perhaps we should examine our own habits or ways when we are sure that we are completely alone. The real truth behind it all, is even though we think we are alone. We never are. God is with us and who knows, I suppose it is possible that people that have passed on are watching us too. Gosh to think someone watches me shower. Good gravy!

Often I will wander into my yard, behind my beautiful fence that was so methodically built by a good friend of mine. I am, for all intents and purposes, alone on these quiet little strolls. However, as I just sit and enjoy the brief solitude, if a neighbor comes out- I can see them, through those cracks in my fence. It's interesting really. They often don't know I am there. It's during these moments I wonder how many times the roles have been reversed. These oozing glimpses through the cracks of a fence. I certainly hope I wasn't picking my nose. Sometimes those glimpses revealed through those cracks can make or break even the most solid relationship. Somethings are just not negotiable in life. Others may be sheer annoyances or disappointments but can be contended with.

My reason behind wanting to share this peeking through the fence theory is so that we can work on changing our weak or bad areas that often go unnoticed or are rarely seen. Those sides of ourselves we are perhaps ashamed of or know we should be doing things in life differently. The best way to examine and repair any relationship is to start with yourself first. It's much easier to pick apart others flaws that seep through those cracks in the fence, but first we must seek to mend our own festering short comings.

These certainly can be done simultaneously or alongside those whom we have a relationship with. Then again, sometimes people need to sit apart from someone and take time to examine their issues. They need to be sorted and reorganized in order to continue that relationship in particular. As long as we don't fool ourselves and waste time we can continue to move forward. The bad thing in life is that while our wheels are turning so are the hands of the clock because time is limited. It's a very precious commodity that shouldn't be wasted. If we wait to long to restore broken relationships they may stay that way forever. Life is too short to try to fix things on a solo ship for too long so we must know that we should work swiftly in order for our contents of the inner fence to remain in tact.We also don't need to get sidetracked by trivial things that in the end won't really matter at all to us or anyone else.So we need to ask ourselves, "Is what I am doing behind my fence going to benefit my future, is it bettering the relationships with God and others in my life? and the cracks that are visible to others...How will my current efforts be reflected or conveyed to others in my life?" I suppose the answer to the last one is sometimes it doesn't matter what other people think as long as we know our ambition of self improvement is on a steady incline rather than a decline. We certainly don't want to sit stagnant while those hands on the clock keep moving forward. We don't want to miss out on somethings in life that may make cracks in our own fence more pleasing to not only others but ourselves down the road of life.

As for our relationships, in order for this word to exist it means we must have some sort of rapport with others. Certainly we don't carry a mirror around as hope that that vain image is the only one we want to reside with the rest of our days on this earth. It's a fact we all need people in our lives. It's what God intended. It was his plan 2 by 2. Just as our relationship with God exists because he already loves us and sees us inside and outside of our fences. Day and Night, he's peeking. Tomorrow is a new day, are you gonna start working on your imperfections? I know I am. I'd be ashamed for someone to peek into my personal fence. Unfortunately in life, it's a constant chore. We will always need to work on improving the views inside our fences...so that when someone does take the time to peek...they will like what they see and we will like what they find.

On a side note, the inspiration behind this blog was something I thought of because of my inclusive snapshot of a view into my neighbor's glorious flower garden from the crack in my fence.

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Finding a Way in Life,in the wake of my dad's death; Z. Z. Hadley III(aka Zach,Daddy and Papapa)

It's been awhile since I have written anything. It probably would have been beneficial and perhaps therapeutic for me to blog about it. So, today's the day I got enough courage to muster up words to express my feelings on the loss of my father. It's been 6 Sundays since I last spoke with him. He had been in the hospital since a few days before the first of the year. He went in for a procedure to hopefully rid him of jaundice. There were complications and he became worse rapidly...it would be almost 2 weeks later his body would stop fighting for his life. Jan. 13, 2010 would forever mark the day of his death.

We got a call he had taken a turn for the worst and got there as soon as it was humanly possible with 4 small children in tow. What was to be a day visit turned into the better part of a week. He was quite critical when we arrived. I went into to see the man that had given me life writhing around in great pain. It was heartbreaking to hear his moans and feel the coldness of his hands. There he was my dad, dying. My mother sat quietly beside him as I entered the special ICU unit at the VA Hospital. She had her hand lovingly in his. I went to speak and she shh-ed me and said simply "pray". I did as tears streamed slowly down my face like raindrops rolling down a windshield. IT seemed surreal. "No, not my dad, no... not daddy..." I thought to myself. He's so young to me at 66, although here I stood trembling beside him at 38.

My dad was such a funny ,vivacious man and the apple didn't fall far from the tree. He was my mentor, my hero, my dad. He was the parent I identified with most and the thought of losing him would make me feel orphaned. I do feel orphaned. My dad was the guy I called who would give me directions when I was lost. Being that he traveled for years as a salesman for his own church furniture business, he knew all the short cuts. I admired him for all that he was. He was the photographer in my home, well until I came around at the age of 8 when I started my passion and obsession for photography. I was all but glued to my camera, falling in the shadows of my father. Who would I call now? Who would take my photo? How can I find my way now that I feel so lost with out him.

My dad was the one who taught me how to catch frogs as a girl and taught me what to look for in a man, a frog prince, as I matured. He passed knowing, or assuming and accepting a certain person into my life. My dad didn't admire many of the men I dated. I think perhaps only a couple whom I both let slip through my fingers...chopped up to being young and foolish. Not even the men I married were truly measurable in his eyes, that is until now. He identified with a certain trait and potential in this person that reminded him of himself, and well who wouldn't love that. My dad was quite lovable and nurturing. He always went above and beyond to see my kids, his grandchildren, had the "coolest" presents for birthdays and Christmases. He'd get them special treats for holiday get togethers ...he was thoughtful, like me. I remember one Christmas he drove all over Eastern North Carolina, town to town, looking for a special item for my son who has Asperger's syndrome. That's the kind of dedication he had for his family, and the kind I am looking for in a lifelong partnership. Who knows if it will ever come to fruition, but it's nice to dream. For some, dreams do turn into realities if enough dedication is forthcoming and both people realise the "rough" gems they have stumbled upon. Life is about shaping and polishing those edges of ourselves which are in need of maintenance. We all have things to work on, even my dad had flaws. After all he was merely human.

Have you ever missed someone so much that it literally hurts? A deep yearning ache and longing for someone that was such a huge part of your life. To lose someone you love be it to death, or unforeseen circumstances is a huge mourning. People so very special that no one could pale in comparison or even hold a candlestick to them. We have such few bright lights in our lives that to have a single one snuffed out is unfathomable. But, it unfortunately happens wheteher we like it or not. Life must go on.I suppose I knew this day would come as it is all of our fates...I just didn't think it would come so soon for my father. My dad's dad lived into his late 80's and his mother in her early 90's. We had just buried her nearly a year prior to dad's dying. It just doesn't seem fair. Of course we know, life isn't fair. It's a gift and we don't know when our number is up. The one thing my dad taught me in recent years is that we can't control anything in our lives except our attitude. He'd say "Darlin' you know I love you, but you have to work on your attitude. It's all we can control in life."I have to repeat that to myself now on a near daily basis.

So in his final hours I sat silently beside him with tears seemingly streaming slowly and steadily from my God given faucet. I held his hand and massaged it to help the blood flow but it was so swollen from all the fluids and cold. A religious song that bared the words "carry me to Jesus" was playing softly in the background. This was it, the last time I'd see my dad alive. Even though it wasn't really living as he was hooked up to full life support at this moment. Everything was failing, all vital organs, it was just a matter of God's timing. I was already feeling a great loss in a couple portions of my life and I didn't know how to handle it. I cracked a joke a couple times, still with teary eyes. Thinking dad would like that. I told him I would care for my mother and brother to the best of my abilities which at this point in my life is just time. I told him I wanted him to fight and come back to us all but that if he was tired of trying to just let go. He had been through so much and so many things for so very long. Again, quite much a parallel to my own life. I wrapped my arm around him and gently kissed him on the forehead. I said "I love you daddy, see you when I see you." and I just sat and cried. My mom came in about 7:30 on Tuesday Jan. 12, 2010 to get me and I left the hospital hallways alone as an adult with 4 boys whom were still ever so sweet and patiently in tow. Someone dropped us of at the hotel and I was so reluctant to stay alone. I didn't want to get the call, and I knew it was coming. But I was solo with my boys, and it was so very sad. I got the boys bathed and in bed and I did the same for myself a little while after that.

I awoke gasping for breath in the middle of the night and felt this weird feeling. I didn't know why I had woken...I just walked around tiptoeing to not wake the boys, pacing...eventually returning to my cold covers and curled up and fell asleep. I learned in the early morning hours that my dad had passed in the same time period I had strangely awoken in the middle of the night. Then the reality of the loss that had been impending for days had finally happened. I had been on edge for days trying to process what was taking place before my very eyes and finding it hard to communicate or convey my emotions to those around me. I was like a bottled up note floating in the vast sea for days on end until someone uncorked it. (this is the part where my dad would march in and say well stacie this is when you become really unscrewed, haha)Ever humorous until the bitter end, that was my dad...and it has to be me too. Finding humor that is, in the most trivial things and in daily living to carry me through the life and the paths God has planned for me.

I love you daddy rabbit and I will miss you always.

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Stamp out a smile

Being a mother, I know how frustrating it can sometimes be when our children act out in public. Patience is a hard thing for children to endure. Their attention spans are not long and they get bored easily. Sometimes all it takes is a little attention from an outsider to change or diffuse the entire attitude of the situation at hand.

Today I witnessed a mother's frustration. More than likely she was already stressed out waiting at social services to be seen for emergency assistance. Her little girl sat quietly and happily for over an hour. Slowly as time passed after that hour mark the child became restless, irritable and eventually crying and throwing a small tantrum. I could see the mom's embarrassment and frustration gradually building. So instead of being a "gawker" like the rest of the crowd. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and intervene. I had remembered I had a brand new tiny pink heart stamper in my purse. The boys received it as a prize at the Fall Festival at Grace Fellowship and had asked me to hold on to it for their sisters. I decided that this tuckered out little tike needed it more than my daughters did. I approached the pair as the child squirmed and screamed in her mothers arms. I asked the mother what the child's name was, then I called the child out softly by her name. She stopped crying. She just stared at me in surprise. I then revealed to her what I held in the palm of my hand. Her little teary eyes were gleaming. I said ask your mommy if it's ok if you have this stamper. She did and the mom said yes. I said make sure you have your mom take the plastic off of it for you. I smiled and wandered back over to my seat and continued my own wait. The mother asked the child to turn to me and thank me, and she did. I said you're welcome and smiled again.

The mother showed the child how to work this new amazing little device. The look of splendorous wonder washed over the child's face. She exclaimed "It's a heart mommy!",as she smiled at her mother. It was a priceless moment to see a child enjoying something for the very first time. She was fascinated how the ink on the pad could transfer pretty pink hearts all over her paper. Another hour passed, but the girl sat there all smiles learning about ink and how the stamp worked together on the paper. When she had finished her master piece she held it up proudly for the whole room to see. She didn't gain much attention but she certainly had mine. I gave her a huge smile and a thumbs up. Her mom showed her how to stamp a heart on her hand. Another new cool way to use her new toy. She stamped herself, stamped her mom... but then she scooted off of her mom's lap and scurried over to where I was sitting. Her tiny hands grabbed mine and she proceeded to give me a couple stamps on each hand. I looked down and saw the four sideways hearts and my own heart flooded with warmth. It reminded me of my 4 boys, and their willingness to share their prize that made another child's day and mine.

Sometimes during the hustle and bustle of daily stresses we need little reminders of what's truly important in life. I know that I certainly was stamped permanently in my own heart with the impression of this innocent child's joy. It's the little things in life that matter. You never know how one small act of kindness can alter a person for the rest of their life, and sometimes when doing so- it can change your own in the process.

Conservations by an Old Fart

My Grandfather "Honey" Hadley, aka Old Fart, known for various reasons including the obvious, would always say, "When not in use, turn off the juice".

As a child I'd scamper from room to room making it as bright as I possibly could, because I was afraid of darkness. He'd follow me around flipping them right back off and get on me about wasting electricity. Shaking his finger viciously in my face "It costs money", he snarled.

My grand father grew up in the time of the great depression with an outhouse and no indoor plumbing, so he valued everything to the penny. He would scold me, "Stacie, always remember... when not in use turn off the juice," and he'd make me flip the light switches off. I did so, but always with a furrowed brow. I suppose he did drill it in my stubborn head because I find myself even today, repeating that to my own brood. Even if I do not say it out loud, I will say it in my head... and ya know what? It does save me money.

As for the ozone, I'm sure the "old fart" contributed to his share of those problems unknowingly in his era. My poor grandmother would follow him around with a can of air freshener. I guess that's where he also coined his expression, "you stink sweet". He would say this when he'd hug me. Boy, do I miss that Old Fart, stinks and all.

Original eccentric and thought provoking sayings by Stacie

Must be the java talking.

Fall reminds me of friendships, this time of year leaves start falling....then they will come back again later...but then some friendships they are like evergreens. I think I like evergreens best ♥ ...then again some of the leaves that grow back in the spring become like evergreens...and that's a nice thing to think about :)


If kids drive us bananas sometimes and coins make different cents, then shouldn't penniless kids deliver us to fruitful spirits that equals change deep within us ??