Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The UGLY Stocking

When I was a young child someone gave me a horrendously unattractive hand crocheted stocking. It was quite possibly the ugliest stocking I had ever seen...my mother said I had to use it for Santa that year. Needless to say I didn't like change much and I wanted my usual stocking. So I went over to grab it off the mantle. I was going to hide the stupid thing so I could use MY usual stocking. To my surprise I discovered in my hurry to snatch the stocking without anyone seeing it got hung up and I was thrust to the floor stocking in hand as it clung with dear life to it's hook. I was probably all of  40 lbs...a little rattled I stood up, dusted myself off and frantically looked around to see if anyone had seen me attempting to steal my very own stocking off it's proper spot under the carefully stacked old wooden blocks spelling my name above it amidst the fresh fraizer fur trimmings. Phew, nobody saw...and then my jaw dropped. What had I done... my stocking stretched... oh dear I was going to be in trouble for sure. I sat on the floor perplexed staring at my newly formed stocking.


All at once it hit me...this was incredible. This ugly stocking was a GOLD mine waiting to happen. I grabbed the end of the stocking and pulled with all my might and yes, it stretched even further. I was so excited. I knew the more I stretched it the more stuff Santa would have to fill my stocking with. I must have sat there for an hour stretching the width and the length and giggled with delight at every centimeter longer it did grow. I used my legs as a level and pushed them off against the fireplace pulling and tugging over and over again.


Suddenly from the door way across the room I heard my father walk in and exclaim. (I can hear his words and voice resonate in my mind as if it was yesterday.) "Stacie, what in the world are YOU doing?" he said in a very matter of fact kind of way.

Oh no, I was caught. I was currently in quite a literally awkward position. I had the end of the stocking with both hands gripped firmly around the toe and both of my legs strattled either side of the stocking as I was bent over bum in the air as if I was about to touch my own toes mid tug... I am quite sure I must have turned white as a ghost. I then calmly said,"Why daddy I'm just making room for Santa to put more stuff." He stood there, with a stern look not saying a word. I wasn't sure if I was going to see the back side of a belt or be sentenced to my room until after the holidays. I was frozen. I couldn't move...and then it happened. Dad burst out laughing, he even doubled over. All at once he called mom into the room. "Carolynn, Carolynn, come look... you have to see what your daughter has done". I was happy he was laughing but dreaded the mother walking into the room."Before I even saw her face I heard her say" What now Zach, what has she done...." maybe she had been hitting some happy juice or perhaps daddy had been wrapping more than presents in the bedroom with her,but to my delight she also laughed. I sighed. Phew I was off the hook, so now back to the ugly hooked stocking.I sat until bedtime that Christmas eve, tugging and pulling on my stocking until it literally hung to the floor. My parents would walk by occasionally just shaking their head and laughing at me.I didn't care, after all I was the smart one. I'd show them when Christmas morning came...I'd have the most stuff of them all. I went to bed a very happy camper. Leaving Santa a very long list of ideas on what to fill in my stocking.


I could hardly sleep. I laid in bed imagining all the things Santa could possible fit into this GIANT stocking...maybe I'd finally get that horse I had been asking for every year. I'm kidding, a knew a horse wouldn't be allowed in the house, but it would have held a lot of riding gear. A new whip, a new riding helmet with a cool cover ...oh my imagination was running wild. Perhaps there would be room for 15 wrapped presents and enough candy to eat for an entire year... I tossed and turned and finally fell asleep.


 As the Christmas morning appeared I was chomping at the bit so to speak to head downstairs and peer out to see if my horse was in the back yard...and to see what goodies santa had overflowing in my humongous stretched stocking. When I got the okay to head down the stairs, I ran into the den with such zest I must have been bubbly as I tried to come to a halt only to continue to slide in my red footie pajamas. I think I did a stop drop and roll tactic and landed at the foot of my stocking only to stand up stomp my foot and turn around with a look of disgust on my face. My mouth was gapped open and I belted on the top of my lungs to my parents. "ORANGES!"... my parents stood in the doorway laughing under the mistletoe...as I was infuriated and surprised. How could they possibly be laughing. This was absolutely horrible, not at all what I had envisioned.Over 1/2 the stocking was filled at the bottom with oranges and grapefruit... enough fruit for a year. One box of lifesaver candy rolls and candy canes... maybe a few wrapped things... it wasn't even filled and it wasn't over flowing... I sneered back towards my parents who were still laughing in between sips of coffee. I guess the joke was on me. It's what a wild eyed greedy child gets I suppose. My grandmother was snickering in her cute little dainty housecoat and slippers. She said well Stacie when I was a child we hung up our socks we had worn that day and would get one orange a piece and a piece of candy. Our socks weren't very big and fresh fruit and a piece of candy was a treat to a family with 7 children. I suppose she had been right, but it wasn't what I'd had in mind. I looked back at that grungy horrid crochet stocking that had failed me and sighed.


I really hated that stocking now, but I missed something as I had dumped my produce to the floor. Inside that stocking was a hand written note. I reached my little scrawny arm deep inside. I had to dig and dig because between my pulling and all the produce it was stretched to the gills. I finally reached that note and then I carefully read "look out on the back porch your gift is waiting for you outside. Love, SANTA" I dropped the note and ran to the door, almost sliding into it again with those dang footie pj's. I looked to the left- to the right...where was my horse. It was nowhere in sight. I looked back at my parents and said there's nothing out there as I sulked." Santa tricked me, he got me good", I said. They said keep looking are you sure... look all around up and down. My eyes rolled to the corner of the porch floor and there in a cage was a bunny rabbit. #2 on my list. I started screaming on the top of my lungs... I think my grandmother covered her ears while she laughed. I flew open the door as fast as I could run in my footie pj's and there was my little white bunny, hoppy. So that old crocheted stocking worked after all.... the best present of all was a note leading to the biggest gift I got that year. My very own furry best friend. He even made the neatest little round poop balls that I found absolutely amazing. I was quite happy as were my parents standing arm and arm under the mistletoe. It wasn't a horse, but it was a pet and that made me a very happy girl. Something to love, that would love me back.


After all, next year maybe if I stretched that old ugly stocking even more I'd finally make enough room to get that horse I have always dreamed of owning. Now a days I still wish for that horse,... but I'd like it to come with a prince charming. I'd even settle for one that rode inside something horse powered instead.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

My Life Garden



"I am pulling weeds with deep roots and flowers are entangled with them that I do not want to discard. Is it easier to keep the garden you have or till it up and start over? Even starting over will cause weeds to grow eventually-just different weeds. It's really funny to me that shit makes a garden grow,but it does...so if I compare my life to a garden I'm pretty well set in the shit department therefore I have grown,a lot. "-Stacie Hadley

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Unplugged

Sometimes in life it's necessary to simply...unplug. We get so wrapped up in the virtual realm we forget how life was before the internet. The internet can be a very useful tool and aid. It's fantastic for communication and currently my only recent source of a telephone, but yes even that is going to be...unplugged. I need time to reflect on the things that truly matter in my short life here on earth. I desire to use my time here spent with those who will appreciate me and all that I am and WHo I am, rather than who I'm not.

I want to spend my life with tangible people, it's not fun cuddling up in bed w/a laptop night after night. I know what I want in my life, for my life, for my children and even though my ideal life isn't a reality doesn't mean I can't work towards making it one. It may not be with the person I'd hope for it to be with...but nonetheless in finding God he will find me. I don't want much in life, expectations of another that is. I want what we ALL want. Acceptance from family and friends... A FAMILY and FRIENDS, a MATE... a VERY best friend to share nothing and everything with and I will have all those things... but for now I am taking some time away from the virtual world and stepping back into the old school way of doing things. Snail mail, knocking on real doors, poking real people(okay really nobody does that in real life, perhaps it should have been nudge and not poke on FB because that's more real but again FB is not a REAL life it's a tool in communicating with others to establish or maintain Reality.) So...having ample self control and knowing what I want for my life...I must unplug the fake one.

 It's much easier for me to hide away here, than face the world head on. In the real world I'm judged and ostracized and scrutinized but apparently in the virtual realm it happens there too- at least I will be able to see the faces of those who do it to me. I honestly am very hurt right now that holding grudges, having pride, being controlling and partaking in activities that aren't good for Christians are more important to some proclaimed Christians. Everyone has their own opinions and views and you will ALWAYS find people to take your side, but it still doesn't always make it right just because they agree.Really it's just excuses...it's much easier to make up an excuse and turn the table on some one than facing one's own reality.

Life is what we make it and we shouldn't waste time doing things that don't really matter or make us happy- if you REALLY want something in life you have to go for it and not whine about not having it. Yeah, aspies have a harder time making friends or having a relationship but it CAN be achieved if there is a WILL to do so. If you say you wish things weren't a certain way, well change them. If you really wish your life was different stop saying it and do something about it- I know I am and have been for sometime and part of the process I need for myself is to step back, reflect and unplug.

It's 20 days until Christmas I wonder if I will get what I really want this year, what I need... remains to be seen...as for now my scene is changing...out of the virtual world and into the desolate real one.

3...2...1...done.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Would be so nice to win!!!

Being a single mom w/ kids on the spectrum I sure hope we win...however... the new found literature alone and potential friendships are worth far more than tangible things.

Please go here to join a really awesome blog read and register to win some toys for your children on the spectrum. I did! And found some great new sites to visit in the process. Meryy Christmas!




http://www.hartleysboys.com/p/win-free-toys-from-asq-and-hlw3b.html