Utter Nonsense

Conflicted natures, confusing words...utter nonsense!


I miss you and yours and want to hold you so very much but I don't see how it's going to work out....

I'm Beginning To See

• When he had spit on the [blind] man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?" He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around." Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes...and he saw everything clearly. (Mark 8:22-25)
  
  
   Well now...why didn't I think of that before. What PERFECT logic. Let's see, loving someone so much that avoiding them because you don't know how to make a life with them in it...is the absolutely BEST solution. Wow, why didn't I think of that.
  
  
  ...How Perfect in the IMPERFECT world to SEEK perfection in any form of any type of relationship....
   profound. 
  
  
  Do you think it's possible to seek the impossible???  I'm pretty sure if one looks for the perfect road to the perfect relationship in life and plans out every step of how "THEY" see it should work rather than letting GOD show them how it WILL work instead of just loving, enjoying the short time we are given,believing and having faith. 
  
  
  Gosh I have always wanted to meet somone fall in love with them and to feel the way E.B. White wrote
  " Being with you is like walking on a very clear morning- definitely the sensation of belonging there." 
  Have you ever felt that way about anyone? Such a natural comfort, unlike any other you have EVER experienced in your life? And then walk away from it, yeah...that makes sense... after all I'm scared of how things will work out in the end so it's much better to just walk away now and never find out. Never try everything possible to make the relationship work because well, I just don't want it to fail. 
  
  
  I have yet to meet a perfect person. I know I never will. I know as I age life has molded me like playdoh. I have been through so many different experiences and learned so much from all kinds of relationships. I have sought unconditional love, and know for a fact that it exists because I carry it in my heart. Many including my own blood have not shown me that same mercy, that same fair shake...for whatever reason they have chosen it's much better for their lives to just not be a part of mine. Not to enjoy my laughter and tears, not to see my children and their wild and whacky antics and endless humor and love... and the hugs, the stories...the purest of all joys this life could possibly bring. But...it's not what they want for their life and I can't make them be a part of mine. I can want certain relationships until I am blue in the face...but unless they want them too- they are right it will never work, they don't see how it can work because it's not really what they want. 
  
  
  What they want more than likely doesn't exist. They may find it alongside a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow in a field where the unicorns graze. Just maybe. Imagination can be wonderful, but reality is so much better. Both are needed in life... and it takes creativity and the power of unconditional love, and belief in God and faith that it will work out if we put forth an effort to make it so.
  
  
  In life others instruct us on what we need to do in order to be successful in life, and what we should look for in a mate...and we often use our parents as models in finding those mates. I for one choose not to use that theory in my life. I never want a relationship like the kind my parents had. It was for them, but it wasn't and isn't for me. It worked for them, that's great.... I would much rather have a more meshing mate...one that shared the same interests as me, or did things I had desires to learn about or at least intrigued me. Someone that shares my same warped,whacky sense of humor and can laugh at me and themselves.Many people bring sameness and difference to relationships which is wonderful and needed. What one cannot do-the other can and so on and so forth. Two is better than one, and it's how God planned it. It bugs me when people say you don't need a man...I'm not that type of person. I do need a man and so do my boys...I need one to teach them how to be men of their word. When they say something they follow through. I need them to show my boys how to love a woman, how to take care of a family by just simply being there and not walking away. I need them to show my boys how to use tools... okay they don't need to know- but I want them to know. I think being handy is an attractive quality in a man, and my dad was a handy guy. I wish he was still around, I wish he had taught me a little more about being handy even though I'm female. He did teach me a few things... and those I apply.
  
  
  We can't control others, we can only control how we react to them. I can expect to have a lifetime of hurt...if I keep an open, loving, soft, bleeding heart. All the hardships I have endured, and a lot of them alone have shaped my character....but they haven't hardened my heart. They haven't made me hold grudges or be bitter because I see how that affects others. It's an ugly thing to see and can be devastating to those who love them. I never want to fight w/ the person I love....ever. But how realistic is that. There will be disagreements always between every human being alive...mothers to fathers, parents to children, grandparents to grandkids, friend to friend... in those times of trials and tribulations we can stay and fight for whats worth keeping or we can walk away. I have never been one to walk away...but I do know when I'm tired of paddling alone...on an uphill battle... one can only go on so long before they are exhausted. I guess I'd go to the ends of the earth to be with someone I loved, no matter the hour, the need, I'd find a way to make it happen....but that's just me. I am not perfect and I have much to work on in my life, but I will ALWAYS have things to improve on.... would be better to have someone to hold my hand while I do....
  
  
  but we don't always get what we want...
  but God will give us what we need...
  and I suppose I don't need anyone else to quit on me or my children...
  but I will never have control over that, just as I will never have control over how long God will let me keep breathing on this earth. for all I know today could be my last day here... and wouldn't it be spent best with those I really love, uncertainties and all.